Interviews with tea party partygoers

I didn't attend the tea party today in my hometown of Phoenix, but I was there in spirit and imagined the following interviews with several partygoers.

Here is my imaginary question to an imaginary partygoer who had an AARP pin in his lapel: "One way to reduce taxes is to cut Social Security and Medicare and not bequeath $65 trillion in unpaid entitlement bills to our children and grandchildren. Would you support that?"

Here is his imaginary response: "Over my dead body! Social Security and Medicare are great programs. Besides, I'm here to demonstrate against Wall Street getting a trillion dollars or so in bailouts."

My question to a partygoer wearing a John Deere cap: "One way to cut taxes is to end farm subsidies. Would you support that?"

Response: "Absolutely not! Farmers are the salt of the earth and true-blue Americans. The subsidies that should be ended are the mortgage subsidies that are being given to the idiots who bought homes they couldn't afford."

My question to a partygoer wearing a brown suit and brown shoes: "I'm assuming that you're an accountant. If so, would you support replacing all of the various tax forms with a postcard?"

Response: "Yes, I'm an accountant, and, specifically, a tax accountant. And, no, I wouldn't support replacing the tax forms with a postcard. I have boat payments to make and three kids in college to support."

My question to a partygoer wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks cap: "Would you support the state legislature banning the expenditure of public money on stadiums and spring training facilities for professional baseball teams?"

Response: "Baseball is an American tradition. Whatever the government can do to continue the tradition is money well spent."

My question to a partygoer with a light rail ticket stub in his shirt pocket: "I see that you took light rail to the tea party. That means that you paid $1.50 for a ride that cost taxpayers $12. Would you support raising the fare to $12 in order to reduce taxes?"

Response: "Are you nuts? I'm not paying $12 for a train ride."

My question to a student wearing an Arizona State University T-shirt: "I see that you attend ASU. Would you support an increase in tuition so that blue-collar working stiffs would no longer have to subsidize your education? After all, they're having money taken from them so that you can make more money than them."

Response: "College should be free, because society benefits from it. It's a matter of social justice."

And so it went, imaginary interview after imaginary interview. In my imagination, all of the interviewees wanted to cut taxes, but no one wanted to eliminate his own government rice bowl.

See what happens when I let my imagination run wild? I begin to think that the reason the nation is insolvent and politicians don't slash government spending is because most Americans are getting some sort of free ride, including many of those who attended the tea parties. Silly me.